For those of you wondering when I was going to post again, here it is. With summer ending and school starting I was having trouble getting everything taken care of and unfortunately the blog took the hardest hit. During the preparation for school, I realized that I had been really disorganized and lenient with my home. The house was a mess and the kids were cranky and bored. I decided to start again. We needed a routine and organization. Even children without mental health issues need routine and structure, but children with mental health issues REQUIRE it without question. One of the hardest problems with Reactive Attachment Disorder is a child’s inability to self regulate. This means they need outside stimuli to set clear expectations and to encourage correct behaviors. So needless to say our summer lacked this and we were suffering. Many people see routines as simply alloting time to certain tasks. That is the idea, but personally I don’t like every minute to be filled. I like a little flexibility. Basically I have a morning routine, an after school routine and an evening routine. Routines can be hard to set up, but here are some tips that I found helpful.

  • Routines need to be written. For children who can’t read, use pictures, shapes or colors. Mostly routines are written as a reminder of what should be happening.

  • Everyone should be involved in the planning of the routine. This way everyone’s “needs” can be acknowledged and they will feel more empowered to maintain the routine. Explain that a family is like a machine and we all work better when everyone does their part.

  • Come together with a cooperative attitude. Make your expectations clear, such as “I expect ___________ to happen every day.”  Use your contributions to the home such as food, laundry, etc. in showing them that it is a system where everyone contributes. For example, “In return for me preparing dinner, I expect you to do the dishes.”

  • Use everyone’s strengths. For example, my daughter loves the cat. One of her expected contributions is that she feeds the cat and cleans the litter box. She doesn’t mind doing it because she realizes how it helps the cat that she loves. If there are tasks that no one enjoys then put them on a rotation so everyone has to take a turn.

I have copied our after school and dinner routine here.

Our morning routine is different and it involves music. I am still working on it to tweak some of the imperfections so I will post it later. Evening routine is really simple. I give a 5 minute warning that bedtime is approaching. After 5 minutes it is “jammie time” and then they brush their teeth. If they do this then I reward them with “quiet time” and we read a book together. This extends their bedtime by 30 minutes. So basically to do this you simply assign a bedtime 30 minutes before you really want them in bed and then the 30 minutes allows thier minds to relax and prepares their bodies for rest. It is a win-win situation.

I know that when people told me to make my life a routine I was hesitant. I didn’t want to feel tied down. Then I started it and found that it actually gave me more freedom. Time that was spent nagging my kids was now free time. My kids knew what I expected and they knew the consequences of not doing what they should do. I didn’t have to threaten or bribe them. It was all clear. They began to say things like,”Mondays are clean room days, but they are also screen time days.” They saw the rewards and consequences without reminding and we all became habitualized. Life runs smoothly and everyone knows what is coming next.

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