Recently I was approached by someone asking for my advice. They described a child they knew who was struggling with certain behaviors. They described behaviors that were typical of someone with attachment disorder. When I mentioned this, they were confused because typically it is children who are in foster care or are adopted who suffer from this disorder. I explained that attachment issues can happen to any child who may have experienced trauma and a lack of consistent care. It turned out that this child’s first year was filled with emotional trauma such as a parent recovering from surgery and extreme caregiver stress. I explained that some children are just more sensitive than others. My advice was to focus on the relationship and then see if there was a change. Regardless of the diagnosis, a focus on the relationship can only help a troubled child. If you are struggling with your child’s behavior my advice would be to make some small changes that can apply to ANY children, but are even more applicable to children with mental health issues.

  • Decide to make your relationship with your child a top priority. When you are faced with a difficult situation, think about the relationship and what your actions will do to the relationship. Will it provide a close feeling or push you further apart?
  • Take deep breaths. Learn how to lower your stress level/blood pressure through breathing. You can breathe ANYWHERE so it is an effective coping method.
  • Maintain a consistent behavior modification program. The focus here is on CONSISTENCY! Whatever you do, do it well and always. Your child will learn clear expectations and consequences. I will focus more on this in a later blog.
  • Learn the value of eye contact. Eyes truly are the best way to convey emotion. When you are angry, your eyes will show it. Practice showing love and caring with your eyes. Use a mirror if necessary. The message your eyes send will be more important than your words.
  • Learn to care for yourself. A stressed caregiver will be no use for a child. Eat healthy, get enough sleep, and exercise. There is no better way to replenish yourself.

Building a healthy relationship with any child is a valuable addition to the world. Treasure your contribution.

giraffe love