In dealing with the daily struggles of my life, I am so immensely blown away with gratitude for the people around me who I find support in. These people are my friends and family who are compassionate and a strong shoulder to laugh or cry with. I realize that I would not be the strong parent and person that I am now without their support.

Support is one of the most important things a parent of a RAD child needs. I use the word need in the most honest sense of the word. This is not something that can just be overlooked, it is a necessity. Without the support of strong adults around me there is no way I could deal with the immense challenges that come with being a parent to these children. I also say that people need a support system, not just a support person. One person will get burned out if you rely on them all the time. Plus, one person is not going to be available 24/7. You need a long list to consult in times of crisis.

Support comes in different forms for me. First of all, I am lucky that my mom is close. I look to her as a mentor in many ways. Most of my other support persons have children who are younger than mine so it is difficult to talk about age appropriate behaviors and pre-pubescent activities. Although my mom didn’t deal with challenging children (well maybe me), she has the wisdom of a parent who has “done it all.” She has the knowledge that being a parent is a hard job and she lets me know that she is proud of me. She compliments me and listens when I complain.

My second support person is my best friend, Mattie. We have known each other for nearly 20 years. Mattie is the sister I never had. She knows me better than anyone else in the world. She knows my strengths and accepts my weaknesses. She is the one I pour out my soul to and she is strong where I am weak. She encourages me to do things better and to live a full life. We have a weekly “date” where we get together and just talk. I look forward to this time together all week long and when I miss it, I notice that I feel much more overwhelmed.

Third is my co-workers. I know that sounds a little silly, but I am a social worker and my co-workers offer professional opinions and understand the challenges that come with adopted children because we deal with these challenges every day. In particular I really admire Brooke. She provides me with laughter and we are able to take the most miserable and depressing situations and still find something to laugh about. You can visit her blog at http://plainadvice.com

Professional support is something that I will soon devote an entire post to. I depend on my weekly therapy session to boost me up to keep progressing forward.

Finally, my life wouldn’t be complete without the support of my wonderful husband. Like all couples we struggle sometimes, but overall he is my rock. I depend on him for so many things and he always seems to keep our heads above water. He will notice when I am ready to burst with frustration and will step in and save me. He is truly my saving grace at home.

These are only the “main” support people. I find support in many other people that it would take too much space to write about them all. If you are reading this and you aren’t mentioned by name, I apologize, but know that I value you in my life and I wouldn’t trade any of you for anything.

With my support system, I really try to only maintain the relationships that are reciprocal. Meaning that each of us has something to give and something to take from each other. I can’t be in a relationship where I am the only one giving. I already have something similar with my children and I can’t allow any other people to take more from me or I will have little left to give my children and they need it the most. Also I try to find people who share my interests and lifestyle. This way we aren’t always just complaining over a cup of coffee, we are having fun too.

I realize that these people are actually gifts to me. I also realize how lucky I truly am to have these relationships practically given to me on a silver platter. If you are struggling with a strong support system, here are a few options that may help.

  • Find a support group. There are so many group sessions available through public and private avenues that there will be some group that will meet your specific needs.
  • Take a class. There are parenting classes offered all the time through community centers or schools and it is likely that you will find someone that you relate to. If you don’t want to do parenting, take a hobby class through your community center. At least you will find someone who shares a hobby with you.
  • Attend some sort of religious activity. Having a “higher power” has been a huge source of strength for me and I have the support of my fellow attendees as well.
  • Find an internet forum. Sometimes we can share our deepest fears or problems easier with complete strangers. This is not something I would recommend as a single source of support. The internet is a great resource, but human beings need real interactions for optimal mental health. Don’t rely entirely on “invisible friends.”
  • Do a strong self evaluation. Are you the person who is always sad or frustrated? Do you suck your friends dry? Are you being reciprocal with them? If you answered yes to any of these, you need to look for ways to help others and in turn you will find added support for your own problems. Who wants to hang with someone who is constantly complaining or unhappy? In this case, a strong professional relationship would be beneficial.
  • Finally, find ways to laugh. Laughter truly is the best medicine and you will find that by simply laughing the world seems a little less gloomy.

“Life is like the car pool lane. the only way to get to your destination quickly is to take some people with you” -Peter Ward.